The one she loves.

            Idiot! Stop asking that question, dude! Grace put a spoonful of noodles into her mouth. "Don't you think you will suffer?"Leon asked her. "For?" Grace knew what he meant. "For...being with me?" "Why should I? L,you see. I don't feel suffer at all. Did you see any sign of it?" "I don't know." Grace swallowed her noodles. Appetite was losing. Leon went on the topic... "I feel so guilty."Leon said. "For?"Grace questioned again. "When I talk to girls, I feel guilty. It's...wrong?" "I never stop you from talking to girls. What's wrong with that? I talk to boys too." I don't think it's wrong to talk to girls unless...you fall for them. "I guess I won't be a perfect boyfriend." Grace stopped talking. She didn't know what to say but thoughts were flowing in her mind. Dude, don't you know you're perfect to me? If you're suck, why am I still here eating with you. I'm not stupid, okay? You're the stupid one for thinking too much. Urghh.. Silence filled the room. "Why aren't you talking?" "L, I don't know what to say. What do you want me to say?" "How I know what you want to say?" Grace giggled and swallowed a spoonful of noodles again. I don't want the first word u mentioned is "girls". I don't want "it" to be the reason. I never stop you from talking to them. I don't know where did your guiltiness came from. I don't know what it meant. Is your guiltiness a good sign or a bad sign? Is it because of your deep love for me? Or is it because you want freedom? You want to be close to other girls? I don't know... I really hope it is a good sign... Grace could feel her tears prickled. It's not because of his words though she really didn't want to hear "the girls" as his first reason. She felt good to be with him. Safe and warm. Sitting beside him makes her feel protected and comfortable. If he sits face to her, it's a total different feel. It will be like a friend-to-friend gathering. Of course, she doesn't want to just be friends. Grace grabbed his arm and laid her head on his broad comforting shoulder. She felt good, more than good. The best "cushion" she had ever.

          Can you don't feel guilty anymore? Every time you mention you guiltiness, I will feel guilty too. Every time you mention that you're not suitable for being a perfect boyfriend, I will feel that I'm selfish for tying you up. Every time you mention about us, where's the good part? We used to talk about our future. Now, we don't. All you words came from worries. Mine? Came from hope. When I hope, you remain silent. Can you do me a favor? Don't crush my hope, please. Every time you mentioned bout "the girls", did you ever think for my sake? Do you know how I feel? Are them more important than me? I'm not hurt. I never regret my decision. I never regret for being with you. I know you're a good person. I have to keep telling myself that you do love me. When I saw your message : "I love you", I grinned, almost can't fall asleep. I remember everything we did, everything you said to me. I freaking miss those moments. I keep telling myself: "Yes! We're going back to normal!" Is it true? L, don't treat yourself like a jerk. You're never one. It's just making things worse. It makes me feel worse. Don't tell me that I'm being with a jerk! I'm not being with a jerk! I'm being with my soul mate! ! Dude! When are you going to realise that you're a nice guy? When are you going to realise that you're perfect to me? We've been through so much till we've got here. Why can't you just let go your worries? There's nothing to worry about. Just play your role well. Don't disappoint me, L. After all, I'm still here in your arms. Don't you ever want a person who can be there for you all the time? Don't you ever want someone to support you forever? Don't you ever want someone to make you smile? Don't you ever want someone to wipe away your tears when you're in despair? Don't you ever want someone to take care of you? Don't you ever want a comfort hug from your beloved one? L, wake up! If you still have feelings for me, show it. Don't wait till I've gone then you realise that it's too late.Time's a scary devil. Don't let the time control us. Let your senses and positive thoughts control you. Just be yourself. You know me. You know that I've always love you. You deserve me more than anyone else. At first, I forced myself to hate you to overcome my sadness. No, I was wrong. It was useless. I used hatred to replace love. However, love was too strong to destroy the hatred. 

           Grace held Leon right hand. This is the only hand who can fits into mine. Grace held tighter, not wanting to let go. When she told him that she love him at the beginning, she promised him that she will stay with him. Respect his decision. Listen to his words. Tolerant each other. Give each other some space. Take care of each other. Understanding. Stay faithful. Love him. Grace cupped his face lightly. This is the one I love.

           

Whispers

           It's April now..Time flies, real fast. It's unbelievable that I'm stepping into college soon. I still miss high school. All the things I've done in high school are unforgettable. All the things we did... I keep telling myself to move on. Memories are to be kept only. People around me are moving on. Some are studying while some are working. I feel so lost here. It's like I'm the only one here. However, I know I will be back to normal once I step into college. Tar college. You know, I really don't like to study there. Ain't because of the college's fault. I mean, hostel? Seriously? I have to live on my own now. I feel like I'm still a baby. Ahh, whatever. Forget bout it. I still have to go through all those no matter how much I dislike it.

          People change. They change. You change too. Why people can change so fast in a sudden? Let me tell you, I will remember everything you did to me. Remember what you said to me. I might act strong, I might act good. Once it's off limits, I might be weak, I might be evil. No matter how much tears I had shed, I will just tell myself this is just a part of life. You better keep your promises.

         Move on? Seriously, move on? What if when I turn 50, I look back at my past and question to myself, " what was I doing all these years?" I want to do things that I like. I don't want to stuck with boredom. Frustration. Moans. Tears. I don't want to regret when I become old and weak. I wish I'm happy with my decision. I'm still young. I want to enjoy life when I still have the energy to jump in the air. So, please don't force me to hell. I know what's best for me. I need time to calm down and think. Don't keep mumbling at my ears. It just annoys me even more. So, just wish me all the best.