Unexpectancy

          Unexpected, isn't it? Wondering how people can change so fast. Some change in a split second. Let's say, there's one guy. Erm... He found you, he looked at you and added you in Facebook. He started a conversation and both of you chat, exchange phone numbers and know more about each other. Then, he asked you out for a dinner with a bunch of friends at first. Then, more things came in. Out of a sudden, he didn't talk to you anymore. No message from him. Just disappear. It's obvious that he had lost interest on you and maybe another girl is his new target but not you. Don't feel sad. If you do, it means you fell into his bloody trap. The more frequent you find him to chat, he will just think that you're annoying and dump you like a trash. At first, he tried many ways to get your attention. Oh there! He saw someone better, maybe just look even better than you then he walked towards her and totally forgot about you. You know, this kind of guy appears anywhere. So, beware. Alright, this is just an example.

         So what about the ones you love? Or the only one you love.

         Years of relationship? Months or days? You choose. I'm not sure how to talk about this but this is for you. It's alright. It's okay. You'll be fine. No wait, I can't use these words. It won't work. Those are just words of comfort, not the pure "medicine" to heal you. Well, of course I know you'll be fine. Trust me. You will without even realising it. Time is the best cure. Family and friends play a big role in that too. You can't face this alone. Without your family and friends, without your listener, do you think you will go through this? Listen to advice, accept the fact and move on. Everyone learn from their mistakes through lessons. Polish yourself and shine your way. Prove to him/her, make them regret and make them realise that they've made the wrong decision. They don't deserve your tears. Like I said, you release tension by crying but you gain love by smiling. Each time you cry, you feel better for a moment. The next moment, you might want to cry again because flashbacks. Then, you get exhausted. You go to sleep. However, each time you smile, you smile forever. Flashbacks don't happen anymore. You only remember the happy memories. Sad memories are meant to be gone. You feel good forever. While you smile, you are sharing happiness at the same time. Don't forget to laugh. Laughing out loud as if nobody hears. Hey, I suggest you watch Running Man. :)

         I know. You put some much effort in it. Your love, time, money, effort and trust. Everything blend in. In the end, you got chunks of wastes and heart attack. What can you do? Stunt. Place your palm to your chest as if you're holding your heart and breathe deeply. Blink back your tears multiple times. Fail. Tears are rolling down your cheeks. Clenching your fist and swallow the lump in your throat. Faster grab a piece of tissue and wipe away your tears. Then, burst into tears again. To commit into a relationship, both must do it together in the same way. Both must have the same thoughts in maintaining it. If thoughts clashed, one of them must take a step back and be tolerant with the other. Little things are not worth to fight for. The one you love is the only thing that worth it. Relationship fails if one lets go his/her hand. It means that person doesn't want to stay in it anymore. There's no point dragging him/her back. Decision is made. Don't make them feel guilty because they already are. Just accept it and tell them how much you've loved them through all those days for one last time.

        You used to do almost everything with your partner. Now, you just being alone. No one is going to be there for you anymore. No sweet talk, no message, no good mornings or good nights, no hugs, no kisses and no contact perhaps. Distance that creates problem. Distance has to solve it right now. Apart from each other for the moment is what everyone thinks after a break up. Some might feel awkward so they choose to run away from it. Some don't know what to say or where to begin. Feelings aren't the same anymore. Some might think that keep in contact will just bring false hope to the other. Transformation happens. Soon, you will know. You might not get used to it at first but soon you will. It might take months, depends on how deep is your pain. Don't hesitate. Just believe you can deal with it. You will be able to live through all the catastrophe. Life is never easy, you know that.

       So just remember, I'm here for you. You can look for me if you need me and I promise I will always be there for you. I will be a good listener. Not gonna complain anything.

PS: Changes mean nothing. It's common. Good or bad that judges it all.

Care about yourself before them.

       You don't live to please others. You live to please yourself. That's the reason you were born in this world. You satisfy people by satisfying yourself or you satisfy yourself by satisfying people? Fed up of pleasing others but you? Sick of not getting what you desire? The best thing you can do is just forget about it, throw everything aside and start fresh. Don't put your hopes too high on something, it will bring you down to the ground if you fail. Yes, it's good to be confident, to have faith in you and trust. I always tell people that they must be confident because confidence is a powerful tool that brings success. I never doubt of what I said. I do believe confidence do bring success not just luck. Yet, I put my hopes too high sometime and I broke down. So what? I blame it on my luck. 

      How do you feel when you don't get any respond from others? Yeap, lonely. How do you feel when you don't get what you want? Yeap, suck. Abandoned. Is that the right word? Hmm... Nope. Ignored is the best word. When you plan something or propose something and you expect someone to reply you or accept or comment about it. However, there is nothing except you the one who posted "it". Maybe there are a few look through it and forget about it seconds later. Some will scroll and scroll and scroll, look at it and says :"Ohhh" then scroll down again. Some even worse, totally have no initiative to look at it. When it comes to them, how will they feel? They will understand when they reach the stage. For now, they just don't bother. When this happens to you, you know you just have to stop. Stop bothering it, it doesn't help you at all. No point waste your effort and time. Go do something better, something that makes you happy and worth your time and effort. So, you may "delete" the post right now. 

     Put in mind, you've tried your best and you can't do anything about it. Move on. Some people just don't know how to appreciate your piece of artwork. Wait till someone who truly appreciates it. Trust me. There will be someone. God is fair to us. You're not the only one in this world. It depends on your luck, timing, faith and of course your effort. How much effort you put into it and that's what you will get in the end. If you didn't get anything, stop and have a fresh start like what I've told you in the first place. It's alright to start all over again. I know it's difficult. It's like you have to throw years of effort, gold, time and love into the bin. From that moment, they become trash and meant to be forgotten. You may weep now. The whole box of tissue is yours. After you've done, be like a man or a woman. Wipe all the tears away and stand gracefully. Show them that you can do it, way much better than them. Show them that you're not a piece of trash, you're not useless. You're someone that everyone can count on. It might take months or years to achieve that stage. What's the big deal? Just get healed! Just get up from that useless piece of wood! Tired of everything? Sorry, life is not done yet. You're not allowed to leave. You have to stay. So, wake up and show them your inner beauty.

     Remember the ones who thank you. Remember the ones who comfort and support you. Remember the ones who raise you up. Remember the ones who make you smile. Forget the ones who go to you when they need you but flee when you need them. They are the jerks and they are not worth it. Soon, you will find out who are your true friends. It's simple. 

PS : You release tension by crying but you gain LOVE by SMILING. :)

     

What's After SPM?

        Firstly, this blog is not about education. Well, yeap, after spm, everyone live their own life. We split, studying in different colleges, have new friends and so on. Some are studying while some are working or maybe there are some daydreaming in their home. So, what's after spm? July is around the corner and many things happened for the past 6 months. Is 2013 a good year for you? For me, nope. Sad life, huh?

         I am studying in Tar College right now, just stepped in on May. My life in Tarc is just okay. I just started, what else do you expect. I'm taking A Levels, I spend most of the time facing those thick books I have. It's really boring... Lifeless, I would say. NO TV and NO INTERNET in my hostel. Just books. How "interesting" is it? Well, luckily I'm used to it now. I'm struggling with PHYSICS! URGHHH! The good thing is I have some awesome friends that accompany me through the days, so that I won't feel lonely and weep on my bed. It's good to have some crazy friends some funny lecturers here. The facilities in Tarc are really great. Honestly, Tarc is a good choice. It is HUGE. A good opportunity to lose some fats. Too bad, they don't sell fish in TARC. -.-

         You know, social life network updates me with all the news. Yeap, I get it. Some of the friends are not even friends anymore. Strangers to be exact. Some of the couples, well, they didn't make it. Broke up to be exact. Some best friends became normal friends. However, we make new friends. Friends remain as friends. Some are even in a relationship. Many of them, actually. Don't just look at the bad side, look at the bright side too. Emo tweets, emo status, emo conversation, emo faces, emo emo emo....Gosh. I'm sick of those. Maybe? We have to move on. This is life. Mine.

          Some get to move on while some stuck in the past. It's common. We miss the familiarity, the passion, the love and whatever it is. Some love new things. Youngsters like brand new stuff, adventure and fun. For those who stuck in the past, we just can't let go but we know that we have to. Just wait for the right timing, I guess. The past is past. You have to accept that the fact it's over. Just focus on the present, don't be rush for the future. It's not worth it, you know that deep down in your heart. Ask yourself, do they even care about what are you thinking about? Do they care about your feelings? Do they care about you? Do they still remember you? Or maybe you are nothing anymore. It sounds harsh but it is a fact. Don't lose yourself trying to hold onto someone who doesn’t care about losing you.We meet new people, new stuff. Time ticks, everything changes. New feelings, new life, new style, different personality. You don't want to stuck in the past forever, do you? Be yourself, it's okay. Don't change for someone. People ditch you doesn't mean that you aren't good enough. It's just people change due to the environment. I know that Erasing yourself from somebody’s life is not as simple as walking out the door. Believe that time heals. One day, you will realise that you smile not because of that person anymore. Hats off to the friends and family around you. They are the ones who guide you to the right way.

             What about the friends? Still talk as usual? I doubt that. Less conversation? Or nothing at all? I just met with my secondary school friends this afternoon. Glad to meet the girls. It's like we haven't see each other for ages. It's a good thing that we still keep in touch. What about the others? Well, we do see them being active in Facebook or Twitter. However, do we pop up to say hi to them or we just ignore? What about those who doesn't being active in social life network? Disappear? Well, who cares? "They don't even say hi to us, so why should we?" Is this often cross your mind? Maybe you just don't care at all. I seriously enjoy meeting up with old friends, talk about everything and share our stories. However, the list of friends is decreasing. Like I said, people change. They live in a different environment than yours. They don't want to bother your life too much. You just bother your own. So what about those who just got into a relationship? Hah. You don't want to be a light bulb, do you? That is not the only reason. Awkwardness and loneliness will creep in. Everyone around is holding hand with their partners while you are holding your bag? If both of them are your friends, that is fine. If the other half is a stranger, damn. I will suggest you to just chill at home. Trust me, it's better. Grab a comedy film, it make your day. So please don't forget your friends. Spare some time to hang out with your old schoolmates. Keep in mind that they are the one who accompany you through the old days.

PS:  Keep in touch, people. I miss you. XOXO

The one she loves.

            Idiot! Stop asking that question, dude! Grace put a spoonful of noodles into her mouth. "Don't you think you will suffer?"Leon asked her. "For?" Grace knew what he meant. "For...being with me?" "Why should I? L,you see. I don't feel suffer at all. Did you see any sign of it?" "I don't know." Grace swallowed her noodles. Appetite was losing. Leon went on the topic... "I feel so guilty."Leon said. "For?"Grace questioned again. "When I talk to girls, I feel guilty. It's...wrong?" "I never stop you from talking to girls. What's wrong with that? I talk to boys too." I don't think it's wrong to talk to girls unless...you fall for them. "I guess I won't be a perfect boyfriend." Grace stopped talking. She didn't know what to say but thoughts were flowing in her mind. Dude, don't you know you're perfect to me? If you're suck, why am I still here eating with you. I'm not stupid, okay? You're the stupid one for thinking too much. Urghh.. Silence filled the room. "Why aren't you talking?" "L, I don't know what to say. What do you want me to say?" "How I know what you want to say?" Grace giggled and swallowed a spoonful of noodles again. I don't want the first word u mentioned is "girls". I don't want "it" to be the reason. I never stop you from talking to them. I don't know where did your guiltiness came from. I don't know what it meant. Is your guiltiness a good sign or a bad sign? Is it because of your deep love for me? Or is it because you want freedom? You want to be close to other girls? I don't know... I really hope it is a good sign... Grace could feel her tears prickled. It's not because of his words though she really didn't want to hear "the girls" as his first reason. She felt good to be with him. Safe and warm. Sitting beside him makes her feel protected and comfortable. If he sits face to her, it's a total different feel. It will be like a friend-to-friend gathering. Of course, she doesn't want to just be friends. Grace grabbed his arm and laid her head on his broad comforting shoulder. She felt good, more than good. The best "cushion" she had ever.

          Can you don't feel guilty anymore? Every time you mention you guiltiness, I will feel guilty too. Every time you mention that you're not suitable for being a perfect boyfriend, I will feel that I'm selfish for tying you up. Every time you mention about us, where's the good part? We used to talk about our future. Now, we don't. All you words came from worries. Mine? Came from hope. When I hope, you remain silent. Can you do me a favor? Don't crush my hope, please. Every time you mentioned bout "the girls", did you ever think for my sake? Do you know how I feel? Are them more important than me? I'm not hurt. I never regret my decision. I never regret for being with you. I know you're a good person. I have to keep telling myself that you do love me. When I saw your message : "I love you", I grinned, almost can't fall asleep. I remember everything we did, everything you said to me. I freaking miss those moments. I keep telling myself: "Yes! We're going back to normal!" Is it true? L, don't treat yourself like a jerk. You're never one. It's just making things worse. It makes me feel worse. Don't tell me that I'm being with a jerk! I'm not being with a jerk! I'm being with my soul mate! ! Dude! When are you going to realise that you're a nice guy? When are you going to realise that you're perfect to me? We've been through so much till we've got here. Why can't you just let go your worries? There's nothing to worry about. Just play your role well. Don't disappoint me, L. After all, I'm still here in your arms. Don't you ever want a person who can be there for you all the time? Don't you ever want someone to support you forever? Don't you ever want someone to make you smile? Don't you ever want someone to wipe away your tears when you're in despair? Don't you ever want someone to take care of you? Don't you ever want a comfort hug from your beloved one? L, wake up! If you still have feelings for me, show it. Don't wait till I've gone then you realise that it's too late.Time's a scary devil. Don't let the time control us. Let your senses and positive thoughts control you. Just be yourself. You know me. You know that I've always love you. You deserve me more than anyone else. At first, I forced myself to hate you to overcome my sadness. No, I was wrong. It was useless. I used hatred to replace love. However, love was too strong to destroy the hatred. 

           Grace held Leon right hand. This is the only hand who can fits into mine. Grace held tighter, not wanting to let go. When she told him that she love him at the beginning, she promised him that she will stay with him. Respect his decision. Listen to his words. Tolerant each other. Give each other some space. Take care of each other. Understanding. Stay faithful. Love him. Grace cupped his face lightly. This is the one I love.

           

Whispers

           It's April now..Time flies, real fast. It's unbelievable that I'm stepping into college soon. I still miss high school. All the things I've done in high school are unforgettable. All the things we did... I keep telling myself to move on. Memories are to be kept only. People around me are moving on. Some are studying while some are working. I feel so lost here. It's like I'm the only one here. However, I know I will be back to normal once I step into college. Tar college. You know, I really don't like to study there. Ain't because of the college's fault. I mean, hostel? Seriously? I have to live on my own now. I feel like I'm still a baby. Ahh, whatever. Forget bout it. I still have to go through all those no matter how much I dislike it.

          People change. They change. You change too. Why people can change so fast in a sudden? Let me tell you, I will remember everything you did to me. Remember what you said to me. I might act strong, I might act good. Once it's off limits, I might be weak, I might be evil. No matter how much tears I had shed, I will just tell myself this is just a part of life. You better keep your promises.

         Move on? Seriously, move on? What if when I turn 50, I look back at my past and question to myself, " what was I doing all these years?" I want to do things that I like. I don't want to stuck with boredom. Frustration. Moans. Tears. I don't want to regret when I become old and weak. I wish I'm happy with my decision. I'm still young. I want to enjoy life when I still have the energy to jump in the air. So, please don't force me to hell. I know what's best for me. I need time to calm down and think. Don't keep mumbling at my ears. It just annoys me even more. So, just wish me all the best.