My beloved JoJo (Part 2)

         Jojo is almost 4 years old now. She gonna be 4 years old in July. But,she still looks like a baby to me. Never grow up. Playing with her toy all day long. Nope. She almost sleep the whole day. Like a pig! Haiz. Whenever I wake her up, she will open up her eyes, never bother to turn her head and look at me,then go back to sleep. Sometimes, she will turn her head when I call her name. After that, she will continue to sleep although I keep calling out her name. Whenever I'm eating my food, she will stare at me with her big round eyes and both of her ears hunched forward. Oh, her begging eyes."Jojo,you want?Cannot!" I finish up my food and look at her. She still look at me with that kind of look. "Okay.Fine.Let me find you something to eat." Then,I grab something and feed her. Jojo is choosey, she doesn't eat biscuit,some particular biscuit, she doesn't eat rice and much more. Lots of stuff are out of her list. Her favourite food is egg! Haha, especially egg yolk. She will eat the egg yolk first,then the egg white.

         Every morning, she will sit at a corner where the sunshine shines. She loves the morning sun. She is kepo. She will listen to our conversation. Soon,she will get bored because she totally don't understand our conversation for sure. Laying on the floor,eyes staring at us,soon her eyes close and sleep soundlessly. She loves my neighbour too because they always feed up. She will climb the wall whenever she hears voices from next door, looking for my neighbour and my neighbour's dog which is a golden retriever. I think she likes the dog but the dog never bothers her. Poor Jojo. Haha. Every day, I will squat down in front of her,calling our her name. She will come towards me through the gate hole and look at me with her head tilts up. Hah! She is short! Our head are inches apart but my head must be away from her head. I sat on my lap and caress her head. Sometime, I'll hold her head with both of my palms, slightly shaking her head while calling out her name. When exam is around the corner, I'll place my book on the floor and study in front of her, just want to keep her accompany.

          I remember the moments I almost did something bad. So bad and stupid though I failed. Jojo was there for me although she couldn't speak like a human. But, looking at her makes me feel better. Being with her is one of the best moments I ever had. She is a good listener, a good friend and my good sister. I feel like hugging her everytime but I can't. I only can caress her. I don't feel shy to cry in front of her. I cried aloud as I could. My tears kept rolling down, I kept panting, wiping away the tears. I must be look awful. She just looked at me.I could see sadness in her eyes. Sympathy. She licked my hand and I stopped crying. Sniffing, wiping away the tears off my face and soon I  smiled. "Thanks,Jojo." She's the best. She's the best gift I ever had in my life. I can't imagine if she's gone. I'll cry for the rest of my life, I guess. By the way, I don't like to take Jojo for a walk. Damn! She doesn't know how to walk properly. She keeps jumping on me and she scratches my leg. Urgh! Her saliva all around me. Ewwww!
Ps: Jojo,I love you.^^ I hope you know what is it mean.

That "Feeling" Again.

Pain, hurt, numb,aching in me. Struggle like an insect which is going to die. The feeling is back again. The terrible feeling. The feeling that I might lose everyone. This time is caused by the different people This time is them. The ones who helped me before, stayed with me when I was in trouble. Why is them now? I'm not sure. I can't confirm but I have that feeling. They ignored me almost every week. Though it was not a few days straight. It was alternative. Oh God, I don't want "that" to happen again. It was a nightmare to me. A terrible nightmare, a catastrophe. I hate that, I hate this feeling creeping in my heart. I wanna stop it. I want a medicine to cure it. But, the only medicine to cure it is them. I can't lose them. They are part of my life. T.T Will they leave me just like them? I really don't want to lose them. Whenever they ignore me, my tears are close to my eyes though I never express it in front of them. I'm afraid. Tired. Speechless and clueless. I don't what to do whenever they ignore me because they will never tell me the reason. I'll apologize for nothing. It worth because they talk to me after that. I feel relief when they talk to me. Safe and no worries. In my protective zone. I wish they tell me the true reason, so at least I know something. So,I can learn from the history; so I won't do the same mistake to you again. The feeling, I wish it never come back. When I fall, I hope you'll pull me up. Without you,I'm nothing. I'm alone. Alone is just a dot. Sorry, I need you to be wtih me. Sorry that I'm annoying...

PS: Talk to me, don't ignore me, never leave me, I need you.