Heartbeat

Deep down inside my heart, your image is framed there. Nice and cute. Other people can't see it except you. It's meant for you. My heart is belong to you. You have it, not other people. Don't give it to other people, if not I'll take it back! It's beating for you. It keeps beating so I can see you all the time. You won't disappear and I won't disappear. There it is, it's thumping faster when it sees you. It's out of control. Gosh. I wish I can lock it in a cage. But, I can't. It's too strong. Especially when you're here. Too strong to resist.

It misses you when you're not here. Boring.... It becomes weak and stop running. Out of breath, tired and bored. No strength. No meaning. There's no aim. It thirsts. Thirst for you. Hope you will be here. Can't stop thinking bout you. You're everywhere. No matter what it does, you're still in it's mind. Sometime, it wishes you will go away, just for a few second. Then,you will come back. It's mad! Mad for you! Why are you so special? Why am I addicted to you? You are like a drug. Love is a drug! It goes crazy when there's love. Beating up and down. Smashing the wall like a crazy dog. So out of control...

*Pop!* *Pop!* *Pop!* Listen to it... You'll feel it. The love inside. Deep love which is growing for you. Non-stop developing. It's belong to you and me. Just us. Let it keep beating...

Letting go

What's the point thinking bout you? Since you don't love me anymore. Maybe you hate me? Dislike me? Still like me? Nah, I doubt it. I might be still your friend. Am I? Hmmm... I wish I am. Wait. I wish I am more than that. I want more. Wait, I type wrong. It should be "I WANTED more". I learn how to accept the fact now. That you are NOT mine. I'm sorry. I've to let go now... I'm sorry.

Gosh, Why am I saying sorry? I must be insane! You must be happy that I finally let you go. You are not in my clench now. I'm not tying you with rope now. I won't breathing down your neck anymore. You're free. Free to go. I'm the lonely one. I used to close my face with both palms and put my knees down on the floor, sobbing in the corner. Alone. I used to can't accept the face that you're not mine anymore. I can't get you heart anymore. I'm not in your heart anymore. I'm just nobody. Kept crying.... Till out of breath. Tired of crying. Why should I cry for a person who doesn't love me, who doesn't bother me, who doesn't care bout me? I was stupid! Where was my brain?

But,now, everything is different. I've made my mind to let go everything bout you. Forget you. No point thinking bout you anymore. No point hoping that you will come back to me one day. No point caring bout you. Finally, no point loving you. It's just a waste of time. Waste of effort. Waste of tears. This "thing" destroyed my mood. I want to be a happy person,just like I used to be. Letting you go is a good option! If you wanna be a friend. Well, let's be. There's no harm doing that,right? Maybe us being friends will be much better. I know we can't be close friends. But,it's better than nothing. Better than ignoring each other. Now, it's time for me to change and welcome the new "me".

Ps: This is not bout me although I type "I" because I'm lazy to think of a name.

 

27/8/2011

It's been a long time I feel this way. It's so new to me, but it's good to me. It's fresh and tastes good. It's like my body is filled with energy. Lots of energy and excitement. I make a good decision. I make the smart choice. I step into the world with joy. Fun and excitement are there waiting for me. I love them,very much indeed. "They" give me the thing I want, they make me feel that I'm something to the world, not nothing. They fill my world with colours. It's so long.....I wanted it before so badly, and now it happen to me. Haha! Delightful! Awesome! It really happen to me, unbelievable. I want this feeling so badly. It never happen to me for a long time. The feeling had gone for a long time, and now, it comes back to me. I  feel so hyper! GREAT! AWESOME! It's just so me.... The real me is back! Haha!

Today, My friends and I went to Sunway Piramid. Hmm...We went to a taiwan restaurant. Everyone complained bout the food. Haha! Luckily I didn't eat. Anyway, my friend, trust me that I can eat. I really can eat. Just depends on what kind of food and timing. Haha! After that, giraffe, hong and I went to watch Final Destination 5! It was awesome,so cool and nice. There a few parts which were funny. I like one part the most, which is the eye ball part. The eye ball came out from the hot girl's eye when the girl fell from the building and crashed onto a car's windshield. The eye ball rolled to the road. Then, one car came by and "smash" it....hahahahaaaa......... Giraffe kept saying "ewwww" all the way. Lol......It was a great movie,though. It runs for 1 hour and 40 mins, I guess. If you don't dare to watch the blood scene, never ever try this movie. You're just wasting your money. But,to those who are brave enough, you should watch it, especially in the cinema! Haha. It will be thrilling!

In the evening, my friends and I  attended the chinese society party in a condominium. At first, we were worried bout it might rain. But,it didn't. Thank God. God is awesome! Haha! We had bbq party, dominos pizza and mee. Lots of drinks too. Many people were there, form 3 till ex form 5 were there. Most of us had fun in the pool. The pool was nice one, although it was dark, I barely see anything. But, it's cool to stay in the water. Oh,it was too cool. Might get a flu. Luckily, I didn't. I'm strong! Haha. We had a water fight against each other. Those ex form 5 kept bullying me. HMPH! We played macam siao lang and siao po till we got complaints from the residents over there. The guards! Urgh! So irritating. Annoying.... We were having fun, then they suddenly "pop" out from nowhere and stopped us from playing. Yikes! Luckily, the rescuers came. hahaa. The awesome parents came and "fight" back. They were so cool. The coolest parents ever. We got wowed by them. We should give an applause to them. Then, we ignored the guards and continued our party.

I love today. It's because I didn't have fun with my friends for a long time already. We didn't gather for a long time. Everyone together. So cool! I hope we can have this kind of party other time. Wait, I just want this kind of fun, this kind of feeling every day. It makes me feel great.

I can't have you

Boyfriend is a word with "boy" and "friend" combined together. Boy friend is two words with "boy" and "friend" separate. Although it has the same letters as boyfriend, but it contain totally different meaning. It won't be the same at all.

Tom knew he was a friend of hers. Just a friend. Wait, a close friend,maybe best friend, definitely not just a normal friend. But what he confirmed was that, he was definitely not her boyfriend. It's misunderstanding. At first, Tom really thought that Christine liked him. He thought he was the one when she mentioned that she likes someone. Smile was on his face that time. Can't stop smiling, can't stop thinking bout her, can't stop missing her. He actually loves her. Till now. It's very hard to forget her after she had done so many things. She cared bout him. Talked to him all the time. Chat with him every day. Sat with him in the class. He was the one she went for when she was depress. She told him everything, everything in her life. Bitter,sour,salty or sweet. She soon became a part in his life. Tom was a part in her life too. She never forget him,but only as a best friend. Not as what Tom expected.

Why he was just a friend to her? Why? Tom kept questioning to himself again and again. He treat her so well, better than anyone else...except her boyfriend. He lost to her boyfriend. He had to admit that her boyfriend treat Christine better than him, loves her more than him. He loves her. But not as much as him. He loves her deeply. But not as deep as him. He cares bout her. But not as much as him. He plays a role as a friend. The limits were there. Couldn't cross the line. So, he continued to be a good listener, a close classmate and a best friend. Sometime, he will look at her from the far end. He knew he couldn't have her, so he could just stood there and looked at her, looked at her beautiful smile. It warms his heart.

Of course there was jealousy. Watching her boyfriend and her being close to each other, hugging each other and smiling at each other hurts him. Each action they make send a knife to his heart. How he wish he could be the one who hold her hands. Sigh... Being sad couldn't change anything. He could only sit there and watching them. Sometime, he wanted to talk to her but he was afraid that her boyfriend will get jealous. Later, he was trying to ignore her. Tried to forget her. Unfortunately, it was impossible. He loves her too deep. When it got too deep, it is very difficult to let go. It suffered him for not bothering her. Leaving her alone. Not a single word came out from his mouth made his throat thirst.  He became lonely without her presence, felt different. Everything was different without her. How can he forget her? She is everything. She is perfect. Tom wants Christine. Now, the love for her never fades. It's still in his heart, not melting. Just struggling....

Tom can't have Christine. He couldn't break them apart. He wants to be more than friends. But now, he's still a friend who can't leaves her. He will wait until the day he totally let go of her.........No matter how many tears have gone.

 

In love

Why is everyone talking bout love now? Got struck by love? Why "Love" is so powerful? When I was young, I thought love is nothing to me. It was nothing. But,it may be different now... as I've grown up! I'm not sure what's love. It's true. I mean, it just come at the right time. I didn't know what's love?! I just know how to spell, how to pronounce and the meaning. But,I don't know how it feels. How to feel love?

Is this mean the person is in love if.....
1.When the person is happy, the person he/she like will be the first one in the mind.
2. When the person is sad, the person he/she like will be the first one in the mind.
3. Miss the person he/she likes every day,every minute..
4. Can't stop thinking bout the person.
5. Wants to talk to the person so badly.
6. Look at the person every day.
7. Care bout the person more than care bout himself/herself.
8. Pray that the person is well.
9. Wish nothing bad happen to the person.
10. Wish the person is happy all the time.
11. Wish to see the person smiles.
12. Hope to make the person laughs.
13. Hope that he/she will be the one who stay by the person's side.
14. Hope that he/she will be the one in the person's mind.
15. Hope that he/she will be the one the person dreams for.
16. Wish he/she is the right one.
17.Wants to hang out with the person every week.
18. Wants to hold the person's hand. He/she will be the only one.
19. Walk with the person side by side.
20. Calls the person every day.
21. SMS non stop with the person.
22. Dreams bout the person.
23. Say goodnight and sweet dreams to the person.
24. Keep photos bout the person.
25. Keep every message which had been sent by the person.
26. Will always be there for the person.
27. Never leave the person.
28. Take care of the person when the person's sick.
29. Force the person to take care himself/herself when the person's sick.
30. Feed the person.
31. Make sure the person drink lots of water.
32. Praise the person every day.
33. Comfort the person when the person is sad.
34. Say how good the person is no matter what.
35. Forever support the person.
36. Make sure the person eats enough amount of food.
37. Like the person's look no matter what.
38. Like how the person wears no matter what.
39. Buy the person's favourite thing for him/her.
40. Always make sure the person is safe.
41. Tells everything to the person.
42. Share good things with the person.
43. Help the person in every situation.
44. Want to hug the person so badly.
45. Take good care of the things which had been gave by the person.


There must be more...I can't think any of it already. The person who is in love will understand. Because they know the feeling of being love and love somebody.