Afraid of Losing Her

Lawrence realises there is something between them but he also realises there's a change between them. He feels strange and scared. Real scared. The atmosphere thickened. Worries in his heart,wrinkles on his forehead. He doesn't know what to do. He feels like crying but he can't. He is so afraid of losing her. Forever...

    Well, Lawrence has to accept the fact that Crystal has a lot of friends. Her pretty face attracts the bees surrounding her. He is consider the lucky one who got her attention successfully. Yeah, they're together and everyone knows that. Still,there are some jerks who try to flirt with her. He knows he should get use to it, but jealousy always grow in his heart. Everytime he tries to convince himself that it's okay, she loves him and he loves her too and she's belong to him. She can't be belong to anyone but him. Just him. Yeah. Hope so.

     Sigh....If he says he's not jealous. It's definitely a lie. When he sees her being around with other guys, smiling and talking to each other. His heart begins to ache and his hand has the urge to punch those guys in the face. Hard. Those jerks... Unfortunately, some of his friends fall for her too which is really painful. They are his friends and she's his girlfriend. Sigh....Well, he can't stop her from talking to them. She has her own freedom and he doesn't want her to get angry. He rather be jealous than losing her.

     A few weeks ago, he started to feel something was going on. She met a guy. Of course that guy likes her but he is not sure whether she likes him or not. She keeps talking to him but him. They're still together but he is not sure whether she has the same feeling for him as he does. The way she looks at him and the way she talks to him has changed. They seldom hang out since then. When he calls her, she says she is busy all the time. So,they barely talking to each other. He misses her and he loves her. He will do anything to get her back in many ways to make sure she's still belong to him.
    
      Never leave him is the only request from him. Never ask for too much. If she doesn't love him anymore, he won't force her to stay because he knows a relationship won't spark with a one-sided love. He prefers to let her be happy and be free. Just as she wants. Although he knows he'll suffer without her,his life will be an empty box, dull as coffin. It is just a prediction, now he still has her in his hands and he'll grab her tightly no matter what. The feeling of losing someone, you'll never want to try.

Freak Out Day

My tears didn't come out for a long time until yesterday. It just rolled down out of a sudden. I tried to hold back but I can't. It's too difficult after what had the witch done to me. It was alright at first as I was used to situation already. It was not the first time.

   Yeah, the witch did saw the message. Gosh,I knew it gonna end badly but I tried to stay calm. Till now, I still don't understand why being friend with a guy is a crime? It's like knowing a criminal! I feel like a criminal too, doing something real bad. I believe I didn't but the witch thinks I did. Why she thinks every guy is bad? What bout my dad? Is he bad too? DUH....I don't understand, I wish I do but this is so ridiculous. Now is 2011, not 19th century. She lives in the past, but I don't! That moment she saw the message, I acted I don't know and kept playing with my dog till my dad asked me bout the message, then I answered. I knew they wanted an explanation, the witch wanted a proof. She wanted to make a call, I stopped it as I didn't want that person to involve in this matter. This is just me and the witch.

     I was calm and steady....When she said that she knew my facebook got a lot of bad guys. That's what she said. She said she asked someone to "enter" my facebook acc just to check on me. I was frustrated, my blood boiled and I really got the urge to flee from my house. How could she do that? How could she ask someone's help to check on me? I've my own freedom and she said this age no need freedom! WTH!!! This age no need to private? WOW! Why don't she just hire a detective to follow me?! That's better,isn't it? Just lock me in the jail or whatever. I'm 16, not a small kid. I'm not a jerk. I'm a mature teenager, I know what is wrong and right. After that, I just screamed at her and said something which is private. Then,I went upstairs,lock myself in my room, holding a bucket of BR ice cream and watching TV while I was sobbing. I was questioning myself and yet felt sorry for screaming at her. I felt like apologizing but I couldn't do it when I think bout what had she done.

      After I had cried, I just laid on the bed and fell asleep. I'm so tired till now. So tiring. Being with her, I need a lot of patience. I need to control myself and my tears.

Depress

We sure depress anytime,anywhere and any reason. We can't get away from depress. It's a feeling, an emotion, part of our expression. It portrayed on the face nor heart. Hide it in the heart and show a fake smile.Why are we depress? We depress because of unhappy things happen in our life. Those things didn't go as we want, so we are unsatisfied and depress.

    We can't hope those things go as we want every time because life is NOT fair. The God can't protect us every time. The God can't satisfied us every time. It depends on our luck and effort. Sometime, when we put on a lot of effort, those thing don't go well as we want too. The result makes us depress. We feel that this is so unfair! The one who is selfish and not hard-working gets it all and become success while the one who does everything like a cow doesn't get any reward. People blame them when they do something wrong. We think that being nice won't get benefit. Being nice won't get pay-back, others won't be nice to you. Being nice won't get compliments while the ones who are selfish and evil get people' heart and become the center of the crowd.

    Once again, Life is unfair. We become depress when we can't get the things we want: reward, compliments, price, people' agreement and satisfaction. We become depress when we don't get attention of the crowd. We become depress when people don't thank us and appreciate us when we help them. We become depress when we're not being appreciated and out of the group. We become depress when we're alone. However, who cares when we're depress. So, just care yourself.

     Those people who blame everything on you , scold you in front of the crowd, kick you out of the society and never lend a helping hand are selfish. They destroy you, want you to get out of their world. They success, but they success because of you. You're the one who success,not them. You did everything,not them. You become depress because you don't understand why they don't appreciate your effort. You become depress when your friend betray you. However, everyone is selfish. It's difficult to find someone who is willing to sacrifice for you. Everyone is busying defending for themselves. Just themselves, you're out of the list. Who are you? For them, you're just a slave. Once you are useless,you are out.

      This is society. This is life. Get depress when you're in the society is a common thing. Happiness just don't come in a sudden. Depress affects you. If you want to be happy,seek happiness. It's out there waiting for you. When depress gone, happiness come.

An Idiot girl.

Poor Janice, another bad experience.The same experience. Twice. Sad but not angry. Disappointed but never blame anyone but her for doing the same mistake again. What a stupid girl. Real dumb. I guess.

How many times do she want to get hurt until she can understand there is no hope anymore? How many times? Total no hope. She and the thing. She feel like slapping herself, real hard so she can wake up. At least realise something and be mature. She feel like crying, but her tears won't come out at all. The depression portrayed on her face. She hope she can be wiser, think smart and be positive. Non-stop questioning herself, why? why? why? Why does she keep hoping? Why does she keep trusting? Why does she keep believing that there will be a good ending? In the end, all screw up. It didn't go the way as she wants. It just went upside down. Everything goes wrong. Why does it have to opposite? Why does it have to kill her interest,trust and hope? It kills everything in her heart, change the way how she thinks and the way she feels. Becoming a different person. It doesn't matter. Who matters anyway? So does she. She just want to feel right, everything back to normal and everything goes its actual path.

When "the guy" says something, she trusts it. When "the guy" says something "nice", she falls for it. When "the guy" asks her out, she takes it seriously. In the end, "the guy" didn't show up. She feel like an idiot, sitting there and waiting for "him" to show up. Hoping that "he" will come and meet up. After waiting for several hours, "the guy" doesn't show up. She is frustrated, and anger flow through her spine, blood boiling, clenching her fist and feel like punching her face but not "his". Punching her to wake up!!! Just wake up!!! Argh! How can she be such a fool? How can she dreaming? There's barely a happy ending. She is a fool, a blind girl who doesn't know what is real or fake. A girl who never realise after getting hurt for a few times. A girl who living in the midst. Hoping and disappointing. Smiles and sighs.... It's time to wake up from her dream now. It's time to move on. Not to rely on somebody. Not to trust a person too much. Not to hope too much.

Ps: Just smile, don't cry. It doesn't worth it.