The one she loves.

            Idiot! Stop asking that question, dude! Grace put a spoonful of noodles into her mouth. "Don't you think you will suffer?"Leon asked her. "For?" Grace knew what he meant. "For...being with me?" "Why should I? L,you see. I don't feel suffer at all. Did you see any sign of it?" "I don't know." Grace swallowed her noodles. Appetite was losing. Leon went on the topic... "I feel so guilty."Leon said. "For?"Grace questioned again. "When I talk to girls, I feel guilty. It's...wrong?" "I never stop you from talking to girls. What's wrong with that? I talk to boys too." I don't think it's wrong to talk to girls unless...you fall for them. "I guess I won't be a perfect boyfriend." Grace stopped talking. She didn't know what to say but thoughts were flowing in her mind. Dude, don't you know you're perfect to me? If you're suck, why am I still here eating with you. I'm not stupid, okay? You're the stupid one for thinking too much. Urghh.. Silence filled the room. "Why aren't you talking?" "L, I don't know what to say. What do you want me to say?" "How I know what you want to say?" Grace giggled and swallowed a spoonful of noodles again. I don't want the first word u mentioned is "girls". I don't want "it" to be the reason. I never stop you from talking to them. I don't know where did your guiltiness came from. I don't know what it meant. Is your guiltiness a good sign or a bad sign? Is it because of your deep love for me? Or is it because you want freedom? You want to be close to other girls? I don't know... I really hope it is a good sign... Grace could feel her tears prickled. It's not because of his words though she really didn't want to hear "the girls" as his first reason. She felt good to be with him. Safe and warm. Sitting beside him makes her feel protected and comfortable. If he sits face to her, it's a total different feel. It will be like a friend-to-friend gathering. Of course, she doesn't want to just be friends. Grace grabbed his arm and laid her head on his broad comforting shoulder. She felt good, more than good. The best "cushion" she had ever.

          Can you don't feel guilty anymore? Every time you mention you guiltiness, I will feel guilty too. Every time you mention that you're not suitable for being a perfect boyfriend, I will feel that I'm selfish for tying you up. Every time you mention about us, where's the good part? We used to talk about our future. Now, we don't. All you words came from worries. Mine? Came from hope. When I hope, you remain silent. Can you do me a favor? Don't crush my hope, please. Every time you mentioned bout "the girls", did you ever think for my sake? Do you know how I feel? Are them more important than me? I'm not hurt. I never regret my decision. I never regret for being with you. I know you're a good person. I have to keep telling myself that you do love me. When I saw your message : "I love you", I grinned, almost can't fall asleep. I remember everything we did, everything you said to me. I freaking miss those moments. I keep telling myself: "Yes! We're going back to normal!" Is it true? L, don't treat yourself like a jerk. You're never one. It's just making things worse. It makes me feel worse. Don't tell me that I'm being with a jerk! I'm not being with a jerk! I'm being with my soul mate! ! Dude! When are you going to realise that you're a nice guy? When are you going to realise that you're perfect to me? We've been through so much till we've got here. Why can't you just let go your worries? There's nothing to worry about. Just play your role well. Don't disappoint me, L. After all, I'm still here in your arms. Don't you ever want a person who can be there for you all the time? Don't you ever want someone to support you forever? Don't you ever want someone to make you smile? Don't you ever want someone to wipe away your tears when you're in despair? Don't you ever want someone to take care of you? Don't you ever want a comfort hug from your beloved one? L, wake up! If you still have feelings for me, show it. Don't wait till I've gone then you realise that it's too late.Time's a scary devil. Don't let the time control us. Let your senses and positive thoughts control you. Just be yourself. You know me. You know that I've always love you. You deserve me more than anyone else. At first, I forced myself to hate you to overcome my sadness. No, I was wrong. It was useless. I used hatred to replace love. However, love was too strong to destroy the hatred. 

           Grace held Leon right hand. This is the only hand who can fits into mine. Grace held tighter, not wanting to let go. When she told him that she love him at the beginning, she promised him that she will stay with him. Respect his decision. Listen to his words. Tolerant each other. Give each other some space. Take care of each other. Understanding. Stay faithful. Love him. Grace cupped his face lightly. This is the one I love.

           

Whispers

           It's April now..Time flies, real fast. It's unbelievable that I'm stepping into college soon. I still miss high school. All the things I've done in high school are unforgettable. All the things we did... I keep telling myself to move on. Memories are to be kept only. People around me are moving on. Some are studying while some are working. I feel so lost here. It's like I'm the only one here. However, I know I will be back to normal once I step into college. Tar college. You know, I really don't like to study there. Ain't because of the college's fault. I mean, hostel? Seriously? I have to live on my own now. I feel like I'm still a baby. Ahh, whatever. Forget bout it. I still have to go through all those no matter how much I dislike it.

          People change. They change. You change too. Why people can change so fast in a sudden? Let me tell you, I will remember everything you did to me. Remember what you said to me. I might act strong, I might act good. Once it's off limits, I might be weak, I might be evil. No matter how much tears I had shed, I will just tell myself this is just a part of life. You better keep your promises.

         Move on? Seriously, move on? What if when I turn 50, I look back at my past and question to myself, " what was I doing all these years?" I want to do things that I like. I don't want to stuck with boredom. Frustration. Moans. Tears. I don't want to regret when I become old and weak. I wish I'm happy with my decision. I'm still young. I want to enjoy life when I still have the energy to jump in the air. So, please don't force me to hell. I know what's best for me. I need time to calm down and think. Don't keep mumbling at my ears. It just annoys me even more. So, just wish me all the best.

       

Life in High School. Awww....( Part 1)

    I'm going to turn 18 soon. Finally graduated from high school. Sad. High school is the place where I start to grow up, get experience, do lots of new things, make new friends and lots more. High school is supposed to be fun. Yeah. There were lots of sad moments. However, happy most of the time. My favorite year is 2008 and 2012. When I was form 1, I was a newbie, don't know anything bout the school. I made new friends and I was immature. Everything was fine and peace. Form 2,3 and 4 was a disaster, I would say. Perhaps? Because all the sweet memories flashed back in my mind. I love those years too. Many Many things happened. Crazy and interesting experience I had during those years. Laughter and cries. Urgh, I feel awkward when I recall back about the moments I was crying in school. Form 5, hmm... Awesome year? Absolutely! I met awesome friends. I miss my classmates and schoolmates! Form 5 is definitely an unforgettable year although it was a busy year too. Full with curriculum activities, studies and fun! I was busy with SPBT most of the time, didn't get to spend my recess time with my friends. In class, I was busy finishing schoolwork. After school, I attended tuition or curricular activities. I attended tuition for 7 subject. Almost every day a week. Every day was fully-scheduled except weekend. Weekend was a time for rest. During the weekdays, I was busy from the morning until night. When I reached home, I was really exhausted. My friends kept watching drama, while I don't even have time to watch drama. I just watched those boring show from the TV.

        Did I waste my Form 5 with too much activities? I don't think so. I learned many stuff from those activities. I love the experience although I was a SUPER BUSY girl. I was a president, vice president, vice secretary, photographer and vice treasurer. I love being a photographer. Being a photographer, I skipped a few activities and I just kept snapping photos. LOVE IT! Snapped here and there though I was not in the photo. I barely ate my school's canteen's food. First, I wanted to stay fit. Second, I didn't like the food. Third, I will never miss the food there. Lol. I miss Lick Hung's food! My class was quite huge. However, I hate the construction just next to our block. So noisy and I hate the sound during exam. BANG! BANG! BANG! Get used to it after a few months. I like the place I sat during school exam. Sat close to the door and I could smell the scent of the fresh leaves. Kinda like green tea smell. I miss Gazebo too! The place where we used to gossip, laugh, study and do our work. I hate the mosquito there. Whenever I sat in Gazebo, there must be a mosquito sucking my blood out from my leg. I kept feeling itchy throughout the years in high school. Mosquito mosquito everywhere.

       The field? Hmm...What is that? Nothing la. Barely exercise though. Just did those QM stuff on the field. Ohya! That was the place to watch long legs. Hah! Some know what I meant. The toilet? Hmm. I "married" with Yiming there when we were form 1. Am I right? Ahh..Bad memory. We "divorced" though. Haha. And yea, I remembered my friends kept others' shoes when they went in the toilet. Mei was always the one been bullied by us. Too bad la. We played badminton on the court when we were much younger. The Physic lab, hmm...No experiment, just listened to what teacher taught. Did I listen? Barely I guess. So boring man... I dislike Physic by the way. I used to sit with Bamboo and talked all kinds of stuff. Chemistry Lab, hmm... Experiment experiment experiment... Many failure,I guess. Biology Lab, duh.... Most boring of them all. Barely any experiment. Just jot down notes and blaaaa.. Science Lab when I was form 3, I guess, talked bout reproduction with Yiming. I still remember what I said. Haha. Class, too much to say. I'll just keep it in my mind. I think that's all? Kinda lazy to type everything out.

To be continued.... (11.52pm. It's christmas eve. Alone and going to sleep.)

Bukit Gambang Resort City Trip with 12 retards! ^^

What a special day. 12.12.12! Kaka! Awesome! Awesome! Woke up in the early dawn, dressed myself up and prepared to have fun! Reached Yee's house around 7.10a.m. Emme and Jo were there too. Soon,everyone had finally arrived and made our way to Bukit Gambang Resort City. The van was really big. It was a 12-seater van. Noises filled up the atmosphere. Kesian the driver had to fetch 12 retards all the way to Bukit Gambang for four hours. I bet he was annoyed, but who cares. Haha. We ate pau that we ordered from Yee's mum for breakfast in the van. Some of us slept in the van. However, Ann was always the one who wake us up. Carrying his smelly booster, sniffing it made us felt sick. Couldn't he take it out when he reach Gambang? Why must take it out at the first place? Haha. Feel like chopping it into pieces. Whenever he saw camera, he got ready and posed with a huge smile on his face. Camwhore.... Some of them even played cards in the van.

       We had lunch in a chinese kopitiam. Chicken Rice. Finally, we reached Bukit Gambang Resort City at 1pm. We came down from the van, looked around Bukit Gambang and checked in the resort. Settled ourselves and it was time to get wet in the Water Park. We took the tram to the Water Park and saw many people queuing up. 90% malay, I guess. Took group photos everywhere. I seriously like group photos. I wanna print those! We made our way to the counter and exchanged water park tickets. Collected 6 double tubes. Everyone applied sunblock everywhere, nobody wants to become tanned right. First, we got wet in the Glacier River.Mei and I shared a double tube. The water in the river got deeper and deeper. The artificial waves were huge and it blew us away. Cameraman took a few picture of us but I ignored him. Next, we went for the slide. First, Galaxy Slide, Crystal Slide and 6 lane racer. We climbed up the stairs till we become exhausted. However, it was fun. Galaxy Slide was totally dark. It made our heart pumping through the slide. Then,we went for the Family Raft Slide which was the longest slide. 6 people sat together. It was fascinating. I like Family Raft slide the most. We played the slides twice before we made our way to Coco Beach. Struggling to made our way to above 1.5m. In the end, we did. Jun helped us crossed over. Many people were on the tube struggled to get rid of kicking other people. Too many people there. I accidentally kicked a few people. Opps! After that, we went for the Glacier River again. Stupid Ann lifted my tube up and I fell to the ground, my knee knocked onto the ground with a thud. I yelped in pain and slowly walked up and left Glacier River. Luckily, I didn't fall in the deep area. In the end, we went to play in the penguin island with the kids around. We let the water splashed onto us. Swings in the water. Nice.

      We took a shower when we went back to our rooms. And it was time for dinner. There was no cafe in the Carribean Resort so we walked outside to the malay restaurant 15 minutes away from the resort. We had fried rice, maggi goreng, egg and so on. The eggs were so oily. After dinner, we went back to our resort and played cards. Ming got fever and I took care of her. Stupid baby girl. Don't know how to take care herself. Maybe she used up her craziness too soon. Must save some energy ma. Then,we went to sleep.

      I woke up at 7.32a.m in the next morning. Time to make wake up call. We had buffet breakfast in Carribean Coffee House. After that, we went jungle trekking. The jungle was located next to Carribean Resort. Just cross the road and there it is. We paid RM5 each. We followed the malay guy through the jungle. The track was quite narrow with lots of trees, plants and leaves. We had to cross over many tree barks with black ants running around. After 30-40 minutes, we took a rest and made our way back to our resort again. Emme, Jo, Yee, Hong, Ann and Wei took a swim in the pool. Mei, Ming, Jun, Sheng, Neng and I went back to our room and had a simple lunch. Then,we played cards in the room. Neng kept screaming like a mad monkey. Luckily, no one complained. Haha. The others who went to swim just now had a nap while it was our turn to swim in the pool. Many kids were there. The water was dirty too.After swimming, we decided to have dinner at the same place again. Then, Neng, Sheng, Mei, Ming, Jun and I had a ride in the horse carriage. We paid rm10 each. Not worth it though, just a round around the resort. I thought the horse cycled the whole Bukit Gambang. But, nope. I rather ride on a horse, not in the horse carriage. However, it was a fun trip, so I didn't mind. We got to take photos with the horse and touched the horse. The skin was like leather and the hair was like a broom. We named it "Oreo". Haha. Then,we went back to our room again and played cards together. We celebrated Yee, Jo, Sheng and Neng's bday. On the way to Gambang, Ming and I bought a simple swiss roll cake. We put some love letter chocolate roll on it because we didn't have candles. We forced them to swallow big pieces of cake. Then, everyone got to eat the cake too except me. Kaka! We made our own story by taking turn. Spit a few words and made a funny and interesting story. And it was time to go to bed...Aww, gonna go back home tomorrow.

       It was the 3rd day finally! Haiz.... Sobz... Time really flies like a bullet train. Woke up and packed our things. Ming, Neng, Jun and I went to eat buffet breakfast. Last minute went there and the workers were cleaning up already. However, we got to take a few types of food. After breakfast, we packed up our bags and checked out the resort. The van had arrived and we took a final group photo before we said goodbye to Bukit Gambang Resort City.

PS: 12 is a lucky number for us. 12 people.12.12.12. 12-seater van. Gathered at Yee's house which her house number is 12. 12 beds.12 cups.12 teaspoons. ^^