Everything is a lie

The things you told me were lies, fake but sounded real to me. I believed everything you said, it was unbelievable,right? You are my close friend, but I doubt I am your friend. Maybe you never treat me as your close friend,maybe you change your opinion bout me, maybe you don't like me at all. I want to know what's my mistake, what did I do to you, did I make you feel unhappy. Is it my fault? You change or I'm the one who change? For my opinion, you change a lot, you are a stranger to me, you make me feel like I don't know you at all. I change too, because you change, I change. I don't want to feel like this, I want to be the real me, I want to be the happy one, not the sad one. I've been thinking every minute and every second. What happen to us? Why you want to lie to me? What makes you change? When I clicked wrongly and found that you lied to me, my heart sank. I was so shocked, tears were welling in my eyes, hand clenched into fist. I clicked the next page immediately to wash away the pain, I couldn't bear with it anymore, I couldn't look at it anymore. I saw you there, a smile hung on your face, that day I want to punch you in your face so badly. How could you lie to me? You know I hate lies, why you still want to do this to me? Why? Why? Why? My head spun with wonders and questions. I questioned other people for truth although it hurt me because I need to know the truth! When they told me, I accepted it calmly and gave a smile. Actually, my heart twisted, my blood boiled, my head was going to burst. You didn't say sorry, you didn't explain to me. In fact, you didn't tell me anything. I wanted to ask you so badly, but I couldn't. I can't face you anymore, I can't face a liar. But,I still want you to explain to me. At least,a word. But, you treat me as a invisible person, you don't talk to me at all. That night, when I went into my bedroom, switched off the light, lie on the bed. I hugged my knees and started to cry, my pillow began to soak with tears. I wanted to sleep, I was tired but I couldn't. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks non stop, I closed my face with my hand to stop myself from crying. Before that night, I wished I could have a peace year. But, the God didn't listen to my wish. I crawled out from the bed, I felt thirsty and hurt, tears still rolled out from the corner of my eye. I took a bottle of **** and drank it all. I wanted to force myself to sleep, so I used this way. I wished that I would forget everything after I woke up in the next morning. After a long crying, I went to sleep, hugged myself for comfort. The next morning, I woke up late, my eyes were wet and swollen. I felt nothing at first, my mind was blank. I sat on my bed, placed my hand on my forehead, I got a terrible headache. Memories began to swim into my brain, I sighed and began to do my own things. I wanted to feel relax,so I went to swim. I chose the the time when nobody swam. I jumped into the water and stayed under the water for a while. I forced myself to forget everything,but it was useless. Every time I made a move, I would think bout you, think bout the lies you said to me. When I swam on my back, the weight on my shoulder relaxed a little, I watched the Sun on the sky, it gave me light, it showed the path to me. Once I touched the floor, the pressure came back to me again. The only thing I can do to forget bout it is to make myself busy. So,I kept finding stuff to do. I lost appetite because of you. I keep asking myself that are we still friends? Will you talk to me again? I can forgive you if you explain to me now. I hope that you won't lie to me again. I keep flashing those moments we had been together, the things you said to me, how you treat me. I hope those moments will come back soon! Please don't make me wait too long because I'm really tired. I want lies cut out from my brain. When I am writing this blog, I almost cry because I still can't believe that you lied to me,not just once.