Learn to let go

Stubborn is the only word she can describe herself. Stubborn for not letting go. Stubborn changed her, his existence changed her like a red apple into a rotten apple. Not that bad unless she is willing to let go from now on. Wrinkles will appear on her face soon if she still can't let go!!! So, if she don't want to be old, she know what to do. Not sitting there murmuring to herself, complaining to the God and crying helplessly in the corner. Somehow, let go is not easy. When it grows in your heart, it is hard to take it out. She needs time to heal her wound. Time will change everything. She loved him. Maybe is "loved". But will she catches a grenade for him? Who says a girl can't catches a grenade for a guy? Now is 2011! For him, everything is easy come and easy go. He takes it everything from you such as your hope and happiness but he will never give it back. She should have known she was in trouble when she fall him in the first place. Had her eyes wide open? Had her mind clear? Only she knows. She gave it all she had and he tossed it in the trash. She just asked for a reply, but he didn't. She knew he will never throw his hand on a blade for her, jump in front of a train for her. In fact, nothing. Mad man, bad man! That is just what he is! If her body was on fire, he'd watch her burn down in flames but he is a snake. Although there is nothing good about him, except that sweet smile which attracts her all the time. When there is a feeling, there is no reason to describe. Her heart's magnet just found the right magnet. North pole and South pole. Feeling like cursing him? Maybe but don't waste time because she will get tired not him. The magnet will dies soon, it's wilting. There is no reason to wait for him now. Watching the leaves drop on the group piece by piece makes her felt bored until out of breath. Sweeps away the brownish leaves, threw in the dustbin, and continue sitting there watch the tree again? Is this what she wants? The same old situation? Obviously, there is an answer although he did not speak out. So, forget bout it. What you don't know can hurt you deep inside. Maybe there is someone waiting for her around the corner, she just didn't notice because her eyes are always focusing on that bastard as what she called him. Maybe that person is waving his hand in the air, but she just can't see it because she's blind. Whatever. The future is in the God's hand. She has long time to think bout love. Can't get someone's love at this young age won't kill her. Maybe there is someone better than him waiting for her. Of course there is because he is not that good, just pass... Don't squat on the floor, don't beg him anymore and don't cry because of him anymore. Because, HE WILL NEVER squat on the floor begging for her and cry for her. Don't try to catch a grenade for him. In fact, try to throw a grenade towards him. Just kidding! Don't learn! It's bad...Say hi to him is enough, talk to him is enough but fall for him will bring her down again. Try to protect her heart, don't get carried away by the jerks. What he wants to do, let it be. Think bout the person who truly likes her, appreciate her, loves her and treat her like a human. They are the person who she truly needs.

It's too late to apologize

Past tense is past tense, past tense is the opposite of present tense. It'll never come back anymore. We should not look back, we should look in front and walk straight. No U-turns, just a highway. When L was trying to get her heart back, C shoved away his hand and walked away until out of sight. It was too late to apologize. C will never forgive those who hurt her, those who did big mistake. She might forgive him now, but she was not willing to accept him. It was over. It was like a yesterday trash, never pick it up, it will remain in the bin forever or demolished. When they first met, they were strangers, of course. L smiled at C, C felt weird and tried to stay away from him as far as she could. He freaked her out because she thought he was a pervert. Then, he tried to talk to her. The first word was "Hi!". She said hi back to him. When she tried to run away from him, he stopped her and asked for help. C nodded and walked with him to the office to help him. On the way, they both introduced themselves. Somehow, she still couldn't accept him as a friend because someone inside her brain kept telling her to be careful. As time passed, they got closer and became close friends. He confessed his feelings to her and he told her that he was willing to wait for her. She didn't know what to say but okay. He was the first person who confessed to her. Of course, she was not ready for it as she was too young. No matter how well he treated her, she just treated him as a friend. Although the rumors flown back and forth in school, she didn't care. The rumors made them became popular, people whispered in each other' ears whenever they saw them together. Some even cheered for that. L started to blush while C went on with her life. When she was standard 6, she got busier as she was the monitor. But, L got to see her often, his was so happy when he knew she was the monitor. Although they were different class, his class was just below her class. When those teacher were blabbing in front of the class, he would raise his head and looked at the ceiling blankly, wondering what was she doing upstairs. Sometime, he smiled for nothing, he didn't even notice that the girl beside him talked to him. All he kept thinking was bout her. He was in love with her for three years, she didn't give him any answer, but he was willing to wait. As long she was there, it was worth it. Whenever he saw her carried the books along the hallway, he would rush out to help her carried the books. His help was not necessary, but he would grab the books away from her hand. He smiled at her, she sighed with a smile on her face. When she started to has feeling for him, things began to change, the monitor,W in his class began to fall for her. They were best friends. After that incident, they were not anymore. Sometime, they fought. L began hot-tempered. C and W became close as they were the monitors. W flirted C, anger and jealousy began to rise in L's heart. Actually, C didn't like W at all because W was too playful. L was more suitable for her. But, L didn't notice it. Since then, L went along with the popular gang. His attitude changed, his style changed, the way he spoke changed. Everything was different. L still love her, though. C would not forget that day, the day L forced her to be his girlfriend. C didn't want, she was furious because he changed a lot, he was not the guy she liked anymore. When she said no, L scolded her and walked away. Although he scolded her, but his heart ached. He wanted to turn around and said sorry to her. C just stood there like a doll, she could see the tears coming out from his eyes. She knew this was not the end. A few days later, she heard bout the rumor that L had a relationship with a girl. She was shocked but she was not regret what she had done. If he wanted to have a relationship, he could. What he did didn't matter anymore. The next week, L came back to her and said sorry. He told her that he broke up with that girl. It was just a stupid mistake. He grabbed her hand and said I love you. tears were streaming down his face. While C face was cold. "Liar! You don't love me at all. You don't know what's love. Get back to her. You will regret. Once you did a mistake, It is forever a mistake. You started it." she said and shoved away his hand. "I don't like her at all. I was so angry last week. So mad. So confused. I didn't know what to do and this girl came out from nowhere and confessed to me. And...I just...accept her...I thought you didn't want me anymore."L said. "Is that all? Playing with her feelings? Is that what you can do? You jerk! Just stay away from me. I won't accept you, forever. And I will never forgive you. Forget bout me. Forget that we are friends." she said. He fell to his knees, more tears rushed down and grabbed her hand, didn't want to let her go. "Please give me a chance. Please..."he begged her. "No!I will never give you one more chance." she said the last word. Once again, she shoved away his hand and walked away. She clenched her hand into fist, hot tears began to stream down her hot cheek. Bent down her head, tried to hide away from other people' sight. She could feel L was still watching her from the back. Her heart ached, she felt awful for hurting him. But, she really didn't want to see him anymore. No matter how many time he apologized, it was useless.

The appetizers in my life!

1. Jian Sheng, the thinnest boy I ever met! I eat him because he is bamboo while I'm Panda! Haha! He has a sharp mouth which spits out all the hurtful words... He can hurt people by moving his mouth. But, he is better than last time. Much better. When I was form 2, I don't like him at all because he was so evil. His face was full of hatred and never smile. That was creepy! I don't know why he don't like to smile! Is it so hard? LOL! But, he smiles and laughs a lot now! A weird tone comes out from his throat whenever he laughs. A special tone! I don't know why he can't finish his food all the time, he doesn't like to eat. Weirdo! I'm not the one who doesn't eat! He is the one! By the way, he doesn't like ice cream! OMG!! Ice cream is the best thing in the world! Although he hurts people all the time, but he is caring! Seriously! When I'm sad, he is always there for me. He will freak out when I almost burst into tears! I love that expression because he let me know there is someone who cares bout me. I like to express all my secrets, anger, happiness and sadness to him! He listens to everything what I say and try to comfort me all the time. This is a friend I need! Sometime, he doesn't care bother me. That will make me worry, I'll start to wonder what I did. If he leaves me, I'll cry till mad. I just hope he will eat more and grow fatter, so I can have a good meal!

2. Woon Hong, my leng lui! We call him leng lui because he is so pretty! He keep combing his hair wherever he goes. He just want to look perfect all the time, he is afraid that someone might look nicer than him! Haha! Don't worry, he got such a good taste in fashion wear. Nice shirt, nice shoes, nice pants, nice hair! I never get bored every time I look at him. He shines like the Sun, so graceful.... I think he can be a model! A future for him! I know this guy since form 1. There were rumors between us. Lol! I treat him like my best friend because he is funny, nice and friendly. I still remember we chat in msn every day because He and I online in the morning when we were in the afternoon session. Now, we got less time to talk to each other. I miss the old time. Anyway, he likes yam.. I hate yam! There is he, there is yam. He can be a yam cook too. We gave him a few nicknames too like fried nyonya, sick swan, bd! But, he is forever leng lui in my heart! He looks great in front of the camera! There is an advice for him, don't just look at the mask, must look at the heart, if not you will sink in the deep sea.

3. Wai Neng, my precious malau! I call him sei malau all the time because he doesn't respect me at all! Pity me! He calls me fern zai all the time. Gosh! What an ugly name! So, I seldom feed him banana. He is the funniest and the most hyper guy in our group. There is him, there is fun. I never get bored with him being around. Sometime, he's annoying. Sometime, he is getting on my nerves. Gosh! He really need discipline! Oh ya! His brain is yellow, full of yellow stuff. Is it because he ate too many banana? Or he watches those thing all the time? Who knows? Childish is the best word to describe him. Never grow up although he is growing taller but his mind is still like a child. Luckily, he is smart and he plays the piano well. Awesome! Bravo malau! I'm so proud of him. When we are doing math, he wants to compete with me. He will feel happy when he did faster than me. LOL! I'm just giving him a chance. I pity him.... Just want him to be happy for once. By the way, I really miss him when he is not in my class anymore. Haiz...I miss the time he sat in front of me and kept disturbing me. That time, I felt annoyed. Now, I really do miss it. I hope he won't be carry away by the rumors.

4. Ying Jie, the ice cream guy! We can own an ice cream factory later! Is it, ying jie? Haha!! This guy is the cutest guy in my school. Although he is big size, not fat, but he acts cute all the time. Please don't stop acting cute, I love the way he acting cute. Sometime, he speaks in a childish way which is really cute, like a baby! I called him "gay lou" last time because he really looked like a gay! Opps! But he is not because he do likes girls. Anyway, he is a prince too. Hmmm... He grows up in a rich family, so he acts like a prince. But, that doesn't annoy me because he is not that "over", not like that BD! Whatever! Once, I really wanted to hate him because he said something. But, I can't because he is right. If I were him, I would do the same thing as he did. At least a bit better than him. I will never leave someone in the dark without a light! I enjoy hitting his stomach and his arm, it is fun! Hope he doesn't mind! Hmm.. I got a feeling that this guy is quickening his pace towards the tunnel. I really wish this guy won't disappear into the midst and leave us alone. I can't stand it anymore!

5. Yong Jun, the perasan guy! The rumors between us fly into most of the students' ears in school since we were form 1. I don't know who started it but it doesn't bother me anymore because I used to it already. No matter what we did, I could feel someone's eyes were focus on us. When we start a conversation, other people will point their fingers at us as if we are the criminals. People nowadays got over thinking skills. Haiz... This guy is quite funny too and very lame. He talks crap all the time, I think his mouth is full of shit. Just kidding! 90% are crap, 10% are real. He doesn't finish his homework all the time, I am wondering what is he doing at home. Sleep? Play badminton? Duh.. He is good at math, real good. I'm so jealous! By the way, he can wolf up all the food. Bravo! Those people who can't finish their food can pass their food to him. At least, he doesn't waste. He is kinda "prince" too. Maybe it's because he has maid serves him at home. His life got nothing except badminton and food. Badminton, badminton ,badminton.. What a badminton freak! Don't tell me he wants to represent our school when he grows up. He can't be...Hahaa! Anyway, He is a great friend to have.

The appetizers in my life makes my life more interesting. I hope they will taste better than ever. Not getting sour and bitter. The appetizers and the desserts are the important role in my life. Without them, my life won't taste great! Sorry bout the others. If I didn't write bout you,it's not because you are not important. It's because I don't know what to write bout you. Not much to describe. But, you are awesome too! Love you guys! Say cheers to my friends!

Sweet memories is mine!

They said keep the sweet memories in your heart is enough. Try to taste a bit of the sweetness, you will feel happy. Although tears may come out soon, but you are used to it already. Cry doesn't matter, as long the sweet memories matter, right? You search the word" let go" in the dictionary. After read it for several times, you still don't know what it means because it tastes bitter. "Let go" sounds sad and pain, you don't want to go through it, you hate pain and bitter just like going through a surgery. Who create this sad word? Who teaches us to let go? Everyone is afraid of surgery, so do you. It's like a blade cutting a line through your body, the surgeons are digging inside your heart with sharp apparatus. You wish they will carry away the pain, take out the "dirt" except those sweet memories. When they try to grab it, you will slap their hands and hold your sweet memories tightly like a gold. You will never let them touch it, you will never let go. Every day, you stare at the ceiling blankly, there is just white, nothing else. But, in your mind, there is something else, is him,right? The perfect guy in your world. Is he still your perfect guy? Of course you still want him to be yours. When his image fills in your brain, tear is coming out from the corner of your eye. You blink back your tears, try to hide it from your friends. Somehow, you just don't want them to worry bout you. At home, you cry like hell, cry out until your lungs come out, cry until you lost your voice, all your tears come out from your eyes, until there is no tear for you anymore. In a chinese song, a singer sang it's enough after you cried. Yeah, it's true. Cry out all your pain, anger and regret. Flip open the phone, staring at his phone number, you want to click it "call" so badly, and tell him that you are crying and you want him to make you happy. But, you will never do that, right? Afraid of being reject? This is how human reacts. Afraid. When he stopped talking to you, you were wondering and you thought it was just for a minute. Nope, it wasn't. It lasts until now. At first, there was a hope inside you to get him back, there was a hope that he will come back to you. Now, you are wondering whether to get him back, the hope inside you evaporates into the air. You message him, he doesn't reply. You call him, he doesn't answer. You miss him so much, does he miss you? You love him more than anyone, does he still love you? You are waiting for him? Does he wait for you? At school, you look at his back, you want to hug him from behind so badly. You want to cry in his arms and say sorry, I love you. But, he runs away from your eyes, afraid of looking at you. He said just be friends for now. "But,are we still friends?"you asked in your heart. You wish that he has no feelings for you rather than leaving you. Losing him is your biggest mistake, losing him is like cutting a piece of meat from your body, losing him is like you lose your heart. No him, no heart. Is this how you feel? Watching the text he sent to you, you miss them so much. You wish you will receive them from him non-stop, never disappears from your life. You are your skin, he is the black. Your skin will not leave from black. Stick forever... Your hands are dirty for ages, dirt gathers in your palm as if someone has not touch it for ages. "Is there a chance to start over again?" you questions him.

The desserts in my life!

1.My darl, Mei Yee. Two words to describe her. Child-minded and lovely.^^ We can talk in the phone for 40 mins-1 hour. Awesome,huh? No worries bout the phone bill. Mine is no limit. When exam is on the way, my phone is dead, silence... Lol! We are just preparing for exam. She'll know when I'm sad and on the mood. When she asked me what happened, I would tell her what happen most of the time, when I don't feel like explaining, I would keep quiet. She don't have worries all the time. I seldom saw her cried except that time! Gosh! Don't wanna mention bout it. A smile is always hang on her face no matter what happen. When earthquake comes, she also smiles...WEEE~~ LOL! She has a great family who I admires the most. I just love hanging out with her. Without her, I can't live and I won't stay in this school anymore. Being with her, I can go wild and hyper. She carries all my worries and sadness away from my heart. Recently, she become bad already, not that clean anymore. Hah! I mean she learnt some words la. I love her! She is definitely the dessert in my life, the ice cream!

2. Yiming, my mum. She is pretty, definitely pretty. She needs to be more confident than ever. When someone is confident, she is pretty. She is the craziest person in my life, never seen a crazy witch in my life before. Just kidding, not a witch! haha! Okay! The first word which pop into my mind is :"WHITE!" It is true. I admire her "whiteness". Haha! She should be proud of that. Anyway, she got a pair of strong hands, she cannot let go the things she wants! She'll keep holding tightly, just can't let it go. Haiz! You just need to learn how to let it go. Do you realize she got two face. One face is left at home while one face is left at school or just outside her house. Like the black swan and white swan. Black swan at home, white swan dancing outside her house, just like her. Gila! Haha! With her around, the situation will never be quiet.

3.Pei Ling ar.......Just used to call her that. What a sweet name! Since last year at etika, we became closer to each other. We knew each other well, share secrets, happiness and sadness. Now, we go to Ace, Account and Add Math tuition together! Awesome! It is fun to have her around. Somehow, I won't be sad if she stays by my side. Recently, she fall for one of the BDS. LOL! When feelings come, it just come. No reason for that. Although many people disagree she likes that person, but, what to do! Feelings just rose in her heart! Anyway, feelings will go too. She just need for the right time to come. Better find a more suitable person next time. LOL! Just wish her luck! He got such a bad taste on girls la. My godness! Tell him to go to toilet la! His eyes are definitely blind. Muahahaha! Okay, Ling, don't kill me. If someone dare to rape or bully her, I will hantam that person! Pei Ling always laugh for no reason, she can make everybody laugh at the same time. Mei Yee laughed until her stomach pain. Kesian her! Pei Ling, you got such a pro mouth! Bravo!!!

4. Xing Yee, the coolest girl in town. Black just suits her well. Long legs and skinny feature, phweet! She got a smart brain, when she flips the book, hah, she can be the smartest girl in town! Hmm... I think there are many sweet memories in her heart. Sweet memories are good to keep. But, once you let it go, it'll forever gone. It's hard to let it go because they are just so sweet! Who will let go sweet things? I'm sure there is no one to raise his/her hand. By the way, it is really sad when good things leave you like you just lost a million dollar or G-dragon just gone! Choi! Yee, i wrote choi, don't hit me! Anyway, past tense is past tense. Life must go on. Can't sit there like a wood and waiting for the end to come. I know Xing Yee is strong. I seldom saw she cried too, but more than Mei Yee, of course. Opps! I love watching her in a dress. So sexy! Sexy lady! Hahahaha! She is cooler than ever! Tallest girl in our gang! Clap* Clap*

5. Joanne, the tigress! Everyone called her that! That's her personality, being fierce but got style. Haha! It’s fun to argue with her. She always speak in the negative way, try to insult people. Anyway, we are used to it. If she suddenly speaks in the positive way, I’d be shock. She likes to sing along with Xing Yee all the time. I wish I can see her in a dress, must be pretty! Jo insults Mei all the time, kesian Mei. But I think Mei enjoys it. Haha! Everyone dare to fight back except Mei. Coward…. Hahaha. Just kidding! I love her hairstyle. Her recent hairstyle is way better than the previous. This hairstyle suits her character. Love the way she roars….

6. Emmelin, the beauty. One word to describe her, so in love with her bird bird. She wish she has a romantic relationship. Well, all she could think is him. When we mentioned his name, a sweet smile is hung on the corner of her mouth, her mind is filled with his name. This is called love. Well, this lady can be crazy too. Hyper and cheerful. She hooping up and down no matter where she goes like a kid. I love her body, nice bodyline. No wonder so many bees go after her. Kaka! She has a crazy female dog at home, but looks cute. Pinky bites everything just like Emme? I think Pinky learned it from her. I still can remember that day she called me and her tears were dripping down on the phone. I was so touched that I almost cried. Luckily, I didn’t because my dad was just standing infront of me. She can do anything just for him. Hmmm…What a lucky guy! I hope he appreciates her more. Once she is in love with someone, can be forever. The heart is belongs to him, no one can take away from him. Emme won’t allow too,duh….

I hope the desserts in my life will be the forever desserts in my life. You know I love desserts, very much indeed and I’ll never let them go. Just can’t forget desserts. The sweetest thing ever must be in my life.

The Black Swan DAY!

"Black Swan", I would never forget this word and this movie. What I could remember the most was Me,Ling,Ri,Emme,Giraffe,Jie,Ming,Yee,Mei,Sheng,Neng,Hong,Onion and Jo keep screaming:"OH MY GOD!" from the start till the end. It was so 18! Anyway, It was suppose to allow 18 and above enter. But, we sneaked in because we were smart! Hah! Lol! I was wondering... Did I chose the right movie? The story was quite interesting but it contained 18 movie description....Black Swan is a horror and ewww.... I knew this movie is Neng's fav! He loves it! It describes bout a white swan and a black swan which is the same lady, Natalie Portman! She is so beautiful, I admire her beauty and skinny feature! She wears a pair of pink ballet shoes which tied tightly around her foot. It looks pain! I can't imagine if those shoes put on my foot. I'd rather give it to my dog. Hah! Just kidding! Nina is her name. Nina dances here and there like a swan flying here and there because she has nothing to do. Well, ballet is her hobby and soon become her career. Her boss wants her to become the roll of a black swan,so she can perform infront of her audience. But, she just has the ability to perform as a white swan! Of course! Her voice is so sweet and looks innocent. But, remember, don't judge by appearance because she soon become a black swan. Her boss wants her to seduce him, so she can perform well as a black swan. In fact, I think he is seducing her. GOSH! I HATE THAT PART! SO DISGUSTING! I closed my face with my hand whenever those disgusting part pop out. While Pei ling kept telling me that she hates me because I wanted to watch this movie. Haha! She is afraid of horror movie. Pei ling and I kept laughing! If you are interested in pretty girls, you can watch "black swan". There is so many pretty girls for you to see until your eyes pop out and you mouth gap open like a goldfish until your saliva dripping... Just don't look like a whore! Is Nina like to touch herself? Why she keep touching? Eww!! I kept hoping that she won't touch again. It sent chills to my spine. In the end, she died. Poor swan. Because of jealousy and victory, she died. So guys, control yourself. I know jealousy is like a cancer, but it's better to keep calm by getting hurt or hurt other people. You can't win all the time. Sometime, you just need to give a chance to other people. Today was the hottest day in Pyramid. I was sweating... So,we went to Honeymoon! Ohya! Most of my friends are sick! Hope they recover soon!^^

Need an answer

Linda never wanted it to be like this. Never. Although she sat next to him, but they were far apart. She tried so hard to pull the string closer so that they could get closer,at least a bit closer. But, Jake kept staying apart from her as if he stayed away from the dangerous zone. "What am I?" she wanted to ask him. "I thought you love me more than you love yourself. But now, I understand everything. As I said,the world change. You never tell me anything." she whispered. Linda lived in the dark without a sign except the whispers from the tunnel kept calling her. Everyday, she turns her head to look at him, he will ignore her sight and hung down his head or talk to the person who sat beside him. Eyebrows showed a sign of despair and concern. What was wrong with him? Was it her fault? She kept wondering. If it was her fault, she would do anything to repair it, she just wanted to get him back. That's all. Nothing much. Linda hoped that it was her fault,so she would know where was the problem. But, there was no reply from him, not a word. Two strangers sat together without a word in a class. The flies threw suspicious looks and questions to them, whispered into each other' ears. They didn't seem to bother, that didn't matter. What mattered was him. Was it because she been cold to him? Never place him at first place? Talk less? One thing she knew was that she loved him. Since when she fell for him? Since when there was a feeling rose in her heart? Since when her heart started to thump fast when facing him? Since when she blushed when talking to him? Linda would sit patiently in her seat and waited for him to enter the class. When he appeared, she wriggled her body to get a comfort position, straighten her uniform, combed her hair and pretended to do her homework. Actually, she was waiting for him to come to her and greet her. In fact, he didn't bother to look at her, he dropped down his bag, placed his butt in his seat and took out his stuff. A deep sigh came out from her mouth. "What's in your mind? Please talk to me!"she whispered. "Hey! How are you? I miss you."Jake said. Her face broke into a smile. A few seconds later, she blinked hey eyes and she realized that it was just a dream. Jake talked to other girls but not her? Why? She never knew. She sent message to him,but he never replied. Sometime, he would replied that he was busy. She knew it was not true. Jealousy filled her spines when Jake was laughing and smiling with other girls. It had been a long time she saw him smiling. Was it fate? He didn't love her anymore? Was it over? Linda didn't know. Whatever it was, she still loved him. How many days she had cried for him? She never felt tired. If he came back to her, it worth it.