Sweet memories is mine!

They said keep the sweet memories in your heart is enough. Try to taste a bit of the sweetness, you will feel happy. Although tears may come out soon, but you are used to it already. Cry doesn't matter, as long the sweet memories matter, right? You search the word" let go" in the dictionary. After read it for several times, you still don't know what it means because it tastes bitter. "Let go" sounds sad and pain, you don't want to go through it, you hate pain and bitter just like going through a surgery. Who create this sad word? Who teaches us to let go? Everyone is afraid of surgery, so do you. It's like a blade cutting a line through your body, the surgeons are digging inside your heart with sharp apparatus. You wish they will carry away the pain, take out the "dirt" except those sweet memories. When they try to grab it, you will slap their hands and hold your sweet memories tightly like a gold. You will never let them touch it, you will never let go. Every day, you stare at the ceiling blankly, there is just white, nothing else. But, in your mind, there is something else, is him,right? The perfect guy in your world. Is he still your perfect guy? Of course you still want him to be yours. When his image fills in your brain, tear is coming out from the corner of your eye. You blink back your tears, try to hide it from your friends. Somehow, you just don't want them to worry bout you. At home, you cry like hell, cry out until your lungs come out, cry until you lost your voice, all your tears come out from your eyes, until there is no tear for you anymore. In a chinese song, a singer sang it's enough after you cried. Yeah, it's true. Cry out all your pain, anger and regret. Flip open the phone, staring at his phone number, you want to click it "call" so badly, and tell him that you are crying and you want him to make you happy. But, you will never do that, right? Afraid of being reject? This is how human reacts. Afraid. When he stopped talking to you, you were wondering and you thought it was just for a minute. Nope, it wasn't. It lasts until now. At first, there was a hope inside you to get him back, there was a hope that he will come back to you. Now, you are wondering whether to get him back, the hope inside you evaporates into the air. You message him, he doesn't reply. You call him, he doesn't answer. You miss him so much, does he miss you? You love him more than anyone, does he still love you? You are waiting for him? Does he wait for you? At school, you look at his back, you want to hug him from behind so badly. You want to cry in his arms and say sorry, I love you. But, he runs away from your eyes, afraid of looking at you. He said just be friends for now. "But,are we still friends?"you asked in your heart. You wish that he has no feelings for you rather than leaving you. Losing him is your biggest mistake, losing him is like cutting a piece of meat from your body, losing him is like you lose your heart. No him, no heart. Is this how you feel? Watching the text he sent to you, you miss them so much. You wish you will receive them from him non-stop, never disappears from your life. You are your skin, he is the black. Your skin will not leave from black. Stick forever... Your hands are dirty for ages, dirt gathers in your palm as if someone has not touch it for ages. "Is there a chance to start over again?" you questions him.