That's why I'm not happy

After I took my pmr result, I thought I would feel happy. But,I just felt slightly happy. After a few days, my smile faded away because it didn't change anything, it didn't change my life. I still need to move on,every single thing doesn't change, it didn't change my parents' opinion bout me. They show sour face every day, so did I. I thought they would be proud of me, give me a hug or let me know that I'm great. But,they just acted as if nothing happen. They knew my result and oohed, just like that, no face expression or action. I nodded and walked away. I lost my mood today, sat on the sofa like a doll, expressionless and my mind was blank. I couldn't believe after I did everything, study every day to aim for the best result just to let them know I can do it, I'm smart as my sister and I'm not a failure,but they didn't appreciate my effort. When I was in the car, I looked outside the window, staring at the blue sky and told myself that I want freedom, just freedom. Hot tears wanted to slip out from my eyes, I tried to blink back my tears, but they streamed down my face in the end. I closed my eyes, trying not to think anything, I didn't want any tears to stream down my face because I felt embarassing crying infront of my family. I turned my face to the left side, hiding my tears from them. Once I stepped out from the car, I wiped away my tears and looked at the windshield, made sure my eyes didn't look red and swollen. I walked along the empty street, the cold wind blew against me, I felt cold and lonely. I brushed back my hair, fought the urge to cry and moved on. When a car passed away, I had the urge to run across the road and I wished the car would hit me. But, I couldn't do it because it was stupid. My parents tried to talk to me, but I didn't bother to reply them, I was extremely sad, I had no voice to talk anymore. Well, my parents didn't care bout me too, they told me not to go out,just stay at home forever. I asked my mum for panadol because I felt dizzy, she said she didn't has it and told me not to go out anymore. I felt hurt when she showed me that she didn't care at all. I followed them, walked behind them slowly, my head hung down, I didn't want to look at them. I clenched my fist tightly, swallowed the lump in my throat, blinked back my tears and I told myself that I wanted to be strong. My head suddenly feel dizzy, I clamped my hand over my forehead, my view was blurry. I dropped to my knees and closed my eyes, I wanted to faint. A part of me wanted to faint, a part of me wanted to be strong and stand up. I took a gulp of water which comforted me and I didn't feel dizzy anymore. This isn't me, I usually walk fast, chin held high and show my confidence to the people surrounding me. But, I lost my confidence now, I felt weak because nobody will stay by my side to support me anymore. I'm tired of crying...